writing

How to Cope with Rejection When Your Colleagues are Coping with Success

beccakinla blue, challenge, depression, disappointment, doldrums, failure, farginen, friend's success, hard, how to write, optimism, rejection, rejection letters, schadenfreude, success, writing, writing groups, writing process 6 Comments

“Expect rejection.”

     That’s what I was told as I entered the field of the professional writer. Sure enough, the vast majority of us do experience it—and in varied and often humiliating forms–and I was not exempt. I no longer sulk for days if I receive a rejection later (although it might cast a fog of discontent over an hour or two). The more mature of us move beyond tolerating rejection and even learn to appreciate it, and maybe someday I’ll reach that stage. Recently, however, I discovered a facet of the rejection experience that has been less commonly addressed, but needs some attention.
    In the space of a few days, two of my colleagues received contracts for their first books. These are two hard-working artists with talent and skill, who worked very hard to reach this point. I’d shared all the ups-and-downs of these particular manuscripts, so each phoned with their good news soon after they received it.
Meanwhile, I’d been tapping away endlessly on my first novel. I had come to a point where I feared it was unpublishable. What made it worse was that I’d been so preoccupied with writing that novel, I’d sent out far fewer pieces of writing than usual. Not one submission had resulted in a sale. I’d been feeling stuck and frustrated that week when my friends phoned with their exciting book deal news.
     In this situation, I had to make a decision.
     I could have hung up the phone and sneered, “But his book isn’t any better than mine!” or “Why is it always someone else?” I could have given the cold shoulder to my recently-successful friends. But the pleasure would be tiny, and it would be brief. Worse, it could cause the loss of a collaborator, colleague, or friend.
     But there was another choice. It’s best described by one (Yiddish) word: farginen.
     To fargin is the opposite of schadenfreude. Whereas the sufferer of schadenfreude delights in the misfortune of others, the person who fargins another delights in their good fortune.
     There is a tendency in artists of all kinds—writers are not exempt—to experience envy, envy in a deeply unattractive shade of green. Somehow, someone else’s success feels like it has prevented your own. Or maybe you believe your work is more deserving than your friend’s.
     You hear about “fair weather friends,” but some people are “foul weather friends.” There are individuals who like having other people around only when they can feel equal or even superior to them. They feel life is a competition, and they always want to be the one on top.  Taking pleasure in someone else’s successes and good fortune, regardless of your own state of being, is just as much of an expression of unconditional love as is sticking it out with a friend in need.
     To be fargin isn’t always a spontaneous emotion. In most people, it requires practice. You remind yourself that your friend’s success doesn’t prevent your own. You cheer for your friend. You spread the word about their new project. You buy the book as a gift for other friends. You let their success remind you that yours is possible at a future date. After all, G-d can hand out as many book deals (or sales or whatever) as there are people, all at the right time. 
     The more you practice this spiritual muscle, the stronger it will become.


(Update: I wrote the original draft of this piece a couple months ago. Don’t worry–I got some writing/coaching gigs after the dry spell.)

The Romance of Writing a Novel

beccakinla finish that novel, khaled hosseini, outline, snowflake method, writer, writing, writing groups Leave a comment

I subscribe to the daily emails from Garrison Keillor’s Writer’s Almanac (which I highly recommend) and today’s email included a lovely quote from the award-winning author, Khaled Hosseini (here I have to admit that I couldn’t finish The Kite Runner–there’s this violent street-fight scene I just couldn’t deal with–but I love this quote just the same).

Apparently, he once said, “There is a romantic notion to writing a novel, especially when you are starting it. You are embarking on this incredibly exciting journey, and you’re going to write your first novel, you’re going to write a book. Until you’re about 50 pages into it, and that romance wears off, and then you’re left with a very stark reality of having to write the rest of this thing. […] A lot of 50-page unfinished novels are sitting in a lot of drawers across this country. Well, what it takes at that point is discipline … You have to be more stubborn than the manuscript, and you have to punch in and punch out every day, regardless of whether it’s going well, regardless of whether it’s going badly. […] It’s largely an act of perseverance […] The story really wants to defeat you, and you just have to be more mulish than the story.”

Having just submitted my own first novel (please keep praying a publisher buys it!), and having discussed writing novels with a lot of people, I have to agree with the first half of Dr. Hosseini’s statement here. A lot of people dream of writing a novel. Many people actually start writing novels, but most of those peter out right around the point Dr. Hosseini describes.

But here’s where Dr. Hosseini and I are going to disagree: while I think that discipline and perseverance are the keys to finishing a novel, I think that many people who begin to write books just don’t know how to! While there are people who like to “write by the seat of their pants” or “wing it,” completing a novel in a timely fashion without outlining or diagramming or writing notes or some sort of prewriting exercise, and without studying how to write a novel in advance (even just reading a single how-to book from the library can help) is a much more daunting exercise than doing it without putting in those steps up front. Many of these abandoned books could be finished if their authors took these steps. For more on this subject, check out this recent post by Susanne Larkin here.

Whoa

beccakinla finish that novel, how to write, i'm done, letting go, novel, writing, writing process 3 Comments

I’ve just submitted my novel. Whoa. I’m a little freaked out. 

Fear competes with excitement. I’m not sure which is winning, but I have a suspicion that I should really be feeling relaxed. After all, my manuscript’s acceptance is now entirely in G-d’s hands. I did my part: I finally finished the sucker, got it edited by multiple people, revised it, got it proofread, and researched the most suitable publisher to start with (I hope they agree). There’s not much left for me to do, other than pray. And wait.

One of my sources of excitement is that now my writing schedule is wide open for other projects. I have lots of ideas, thank G-d. I kept getting sidetracked by competing writing projects in the last couple months. That is part of what took me so long to finally wrap up this book–that and the multiple viruses that have been afflicting various members of the Klempner household.

Don’t get taken advantage of!

beccakinla poetry, publishing, scams, self-publishing, writing Leave a comment

Recently, I’ve had a few friends who have approached me about sketchy sounding publishing deals they were being offered.

This is not a new problem. For example, for years, there have been people who advertise that they are compiling a book of poetry. They request submissions, but in order to be included, you have to pay. Then, you must pay additional money to receive each copy you might want to own or distribute to friends.

However, with the advent of self-publishing, the problem has escalated. It can be very hard to tell the difference between a self-publisher that’s genuine (like CreateSpace or Lulu or many if not all the major Jewish ones) and someone like Publish America who doesn’t charge you up front, but then demands extraordinarily high prices for any “needed” services (like editing) and then overcharges on shipping every copy you want and sets prices so high that buyers are turned off. Not only that, but the wrong publisher (even some traditional ones that are big names) can sneak things into the contract that limit your rights regarding overseas sales, translations, ebook or film rights, and so on.

Additionally, even many legit self-publishers will forget to tell you that the average self-published book will never sell more than 100 copies–so it is highly likely you’ll never recoup your investment unless you study book marketing and prepare to premote yourself like crazy.

If you want to be taken seriously as an author, there’s another concern: there’s less prestige associated with self-publishing than going the traditional route. (By the way, this is less true in the Jewish world, where it has always been common to self-publish, co-publish or to pay for publication through donations.) However, self-publishing isn’t the no-no it used to be so long as you are sufficiently informed about the process.

The lesson from all is this is do your research BEFORE submitting to a publisher or agent, and certainly before signing any paperwork. These two sites are must-sees for anyone contemplating a book or article submission:

Writer Beware
http://accrispin.blogspot.com/

Preditors and Editors
http://pred-ed.com/

Electronic Publishing

beccakinla ebooks, Jewish, publishing, writing, writing process 1 Comment

On a couple of my LinkedIn groups, there have been some fascinating conversations lately about self-publishing. At this point in my life, I can’t imagine starting such a project–unless we’re discussing ebooks.

As I have mentioned before, the novel I’m currently working on is so quirky, I’m a little afraid of its publishing possibilities. I’m also considering an anthology of my stories (including ones that have previously appeared in magazines). I can’t imagine spending the money on self-publishing up front–but ebooks can be printed with services like Lulu for virtually nothing. Moreover, if you price your book in the magic window of $.99 to $2.99, you can get a lot of downloads. The author’s share of the profit is higher, and they can accumulate into a little pile of spending money.
I tested out a Kindle last week.
Definitely a weird experience for me. The sound, smell and tactile experiences of reading an ebook are so different than with a print one, and your eyes and hands operate so differently, that it was a little off-putting. 
I visited the Lulu site, too. There are a LOT of details, details traditionally published authors don’t handle.
Additionally, I have concerns about how well ebooks are penetrating the Jewish market. My most recent Artscroll and Feldheim catalogs do boast ebook offerings, and here are some links to Jewish e-book sites online:
Definitely more research is in order.

I DID IT!

beccakinla novels, writing, writing process 1 Comment

Yes, it’s true! I finally finished my first novel. Hooray! Of course, I was supposed to finish by Labor Day, and it’s probably pretty terrible, and it’s shorter than I intended, but it’s done. It’s just a first draft…but a complete first draft! And the longest thing I’ve ever written. (I never realized before how it takes a long time to print an entire novel.)
I’m in shock right now. All my nearest and dearest are in bed right now, so I’ll just blog and get to bed.